Epiphany #3

I'm sort of big on epiphanies. Since the diagnosis I've had three.

The first had to do with viewing this idiot disease not as an affliction, but as a responsibility and to be as dignified and courageous as possible. The second was about my running--rather than have ALS take it away from me I would give it away a bit at a time.

The third, realized yesterday, is a bit of a reversal of my usual philosophy. I have always said it's better to look forward than to look back, to continue to move ahead positively rather than look back in regret. With all the research and reading I've been doing these last several months, I know what's in store and I don't look forward to it. So instead of looking forward down that avenue, I'm going to look back at the incredible things I've managed to do in the last 49 years and revel in the things I'm still doing.

I didn't start running until I was almost 42. One of the things I marveled in was feeling all my muscles working to propel me along the course: legs, arms, even my big ol' butt. After I finished my first marathon my muscles ached for a couple days, but they ached with accomplishment. Twenty-four marathons followed--the last two since the diagnosis. When I ran Philly I suspected it would be my last one. While I had hoped to run and run and run for years, I know now that's not going to happen. But the fact that I ran 25 marathons, and exceeded even my own (albeit humble) expectations as far as time is a treasure I carry with me. This is the sort of thing I'll look back on.