THE ODDS (Debbie Does ALS)


Déjà pu

Oh my GOD. Can you believe it? Yet again I was taken by surprise.

Cecilia was home with me, watching TV downstairs, when I felt the first pangs; I immediately messaged her asking for help. As the lift recliner slowly made its way up to ejection position, so did my landm-ass ready itself for an ejection of its own. Dear daughter number three helped me out of my chair and I made my way as carefully and as quickly as I could to the scene of earlier crimes. Crossing the bathroom threshold I knew I would not make it in time for the granny panties to come off so I made the decision to s(h)it as I had done before, and have Cecilia snip the sides of the befouled briefs after. All these thoughts were going through my mind as I approached my toilevated throne. My plan would have worked perfectly if I hadn't misjudged my approach -- I landed a skosh too far to the left and slid right off and into the shower.

You can imagine how discombobulated a scene this was. My right side was half in/half out of the shower, my left leg was pressed against the shower chair, my  left arm rested at an awkward angle on the seat of the shower chair, my left shoulder blade pressed horribly uncomfortably against a small shelf/seat built into the shower, my head just above the same shelf. Poor  Cecilia! She called her dad and sister and, at my request, placed two pillows behind my head. And there I waited.

There are few things worse than being on your back, stuck between toilet and shower chair, unable to move... and don't forget I had panties full of poo. I cannot describe my feelings of self-loathing and disgust.

John made it home at last and set about rescuing me. Out came the shower chair and pillows, in  came John. Little by little he managed to get me out of the shower and onto the bathroom floor where he was finally able to lift me to a standing position. I will spare you the details of the cleanup.

Monday I will call the agency and arrange to have a caregiver on Saturday and Sunday. This way  John and Cecilia will be able to have time away without worrying; if Cecilia elects to stay home she won't be faced with such a scary situation.

1 comment:

Ralph Lifshitz said...

Maybe my chronic constipation isn't such a negative after all.

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