Listening to the sounds of one's own sobbing does two things: it begets more sobs and it makes one painfully self-conscious of one's own stupidity.
But it is also a release. Once finished, I was exhausted and fell into a little sleep. I'm still a little weepy. But it is under control.
Today's trigger: next week's 50k race. I won't be doing it, or any other race. Lynne and I talked about the course and about the time we'd run the trail, some years ago, and I remembered being strong and enthusiastic. This discussion took place this morning during a walk at the Spotsy battlefield..where I had to rest before ascending a couple of hills.
Mindset is back on track. There are a ton of things I won't ever do, or do again, but at least I can take comfort knowing I've done much. I doubt if I'll ever not yearn for things: running, travel, being able to butter my own bread...but stupid sobbing won't fix that, will it?
2 hours ago