I'm sad.

I can't begin to describe the helplessness and frustration I felt tonight. While driving home I reached out to a friend for some expert advice and what I got was something else, a lecture, better left unrecorded. I don't feel comfortable asking for help and this just reinforced my feelings.

I did what may turn out to be a stupid thing but I reached out to a different friend, one who earlier made me regret asking, but I felt desperate. I'm not asking for physical labor, just advice. Hopefully I haven't asked for too much.

In any event, I was so overcome with the burden of having to fight so many battles by myself, I broke down. And I don't know if it was related to the stress I was under but both my stupid hands and forearms--BOTH--spasmed and cramped tonight. Painful, unexpected, stupid Louise cramps. Next came the foot. Can you guess how this added to my disposition? I'm sure you can.

I'm very sad and depressed and feel defeated. It'll pass, but today, tonight, it's just more than I can handle.