A Rule

I apologize in advance if this post causes anyone any discomfort.

At the last clinic I talked to Dr Bayat about hysterectomies. She listened to me and nodded but then said it was a difficult surgery and maybe I should consider a pill or patch etc. etc. But I am not a pill taker and I take too many already and I am concerned about stroke and other bad things that can happen when you fuck with hormones.

I also know that lots of women PALS have had and swear by this surgical solution to a very real concern. Dignity is paramount with us, with me, and there are certain duties that just aren't going to fall to someone else. So I'm going to talk to my Gyn about a less invasive laparoscopic procedure.

Now my dear friend Tam (married to Mark, who did the door) had heard on a show about the risks involved with surgeries performed on people with irreversible medical issues. I'm paraphrasing an already paraphrased comment, but apparently these people come away from these surgeries having lost functionality and she is concerned the same fate would befall me. I told Tam that didn't bother me, and I wasn't worried about it. She then offered to be the person to perform the unpleasant duty hinted at above and I made a face. She asked if she'd upset me and I told her very frankly that she had. She then apologized and said she wouldn't talk about it again.

I want it understood by anyone and everyone that I do not under any circumstances want you not to talk about this disease with me. I have ALS. I hate that I have it but if you don't talk about it with me it's like not talking running with me or not talking about every other thing we talk about. It's here, Louise is here, and she's sticking her stupid ugly nose into all my business.

Tell me what you think about. If you are afraid of upsetting me, don't be. It's okay if we are upset together. I try not to dwell on it but I live every day, every second, with this. Please let me be upset in front of you, and help me get to the better place. Love me and talk to me about everything.

We all know I am a fabulously strong woman with a great attitude, and that's the side I want to show to you most of the time. But once in a while there's that other side...